Your Inner Child Needs A Strong Inner Parent

Are You Up For The Task?

Photo by bady abbas on Unsplash

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know how you were raised. I don’t know how satisfied with your life. I don’t know much but I do know one thing: A lot of us wish our parents did a better job. However, this article is not about blaming your parents. It is about how we can parent our inner child. This might sound unimportant, right now — you have got bills to pay and targets to meet. But every time you tell your inner child that there’s something more important than him/her/them and keep ignoring, you tell the child that he/she/they don’t matter. Even if that’s not your intention, that’s how the child will interpret it.

Most ‘adults’ are actually not adults in the real sense; they are just grown-up children — both are not the same. Most of us just go through our adult life, unaware and unconscious about the important aspects of our inner world. As an adult, our primary responsibility is to re-parent ourselves i.e. protect, nurture and help our inner child heal. Most of us have inner child that is traumatized. Being an adult means taking the responsibility of this child. Unfortunately, most of us adopt the same parenting approach as our parents. If you just look at the world and the grown-ups around you, you will realize that the same approach is not working. As an adult, it is your job to find your own parenting approach, grounded in compassion, unconditional love and empowerment.

The inner child needs safety, assurance and healing. This means you will have to let go of:

1. Your obsession with what others think — Listen to your inner child and his/her/their needs instead of worrying about your reputation and people’s perceptions and judgments. For example, if someone calls you “lazy” when it is actually your inner child going through trauma, it is your responsibility to stand up for your inner child.
2. Your need run the toxic rat race — Instead, understand your inner child, its unique gifts and help him/her/them hone skills. The inner child is often intuitive and creative; why don’t you explore and nurture the potential?

Now, this doesn’t mean you cannot be a little strict with your inner child. You can gently push him/her/them to do tough things — things that are difficult but once achieved, are satisfying. In fact, helping the inner child face challenges is a crucial part of parenting. However, the inner child is often afraid and hence, needs a reassurance, every now and then, that you are there for her/him/them and that you have got his/her/their back in case of failures.

To be a good inner parent, you need to have the strength to walk alone and make unpopular choices, if need be. You have to think for yourself. We have been taught that following the herd is where safety lies — this might seem so on the surface but real safety comes from you, the adult! External sources of safety only work in the short run. Ultimately, your inner child needs a strong inner parent who understands that it’s all teamwork between the inner child and the inner parent. This relationship will determine everything else in your life.